the smell of my mom’s car
is like slow-burning winter jacket!
techno-air-conditioning by fire!

the touch of the winter jacket
is slick and Spacey like wet fibrous aluminum

the heat from the fibers
comes from the sweaty body
and then regenerates heat back toward the sweat!
wow!
what a type of jacket!

the only thing i really know
about
this whole phone thing?
is that they’re to blame

the only thing i know
about
when to space out ‘about’
in its own line
is when it’s an accident
and
when i devote half a thought-second to
telling myself it’s a good idea!
it can be a whole thing!

ask Lethem for more complex words
about phones!
i couldn’t stand to read
his thing about em
didn’t want to undermine my own ability
to think of my own things to write about phones!
and i don’t want this poem to be
about
the derision from my “couldn’t stand to read”-ness
to, thusly?,
my wrong and self-suffocating attitude
towards all of intellectualism
and society-reflection
and my heart’s filled with jealousy

how long did it take you?
the drive?
oh, wow… that’s not bad
i’m going to look in the corner
and then at my sister
do you want anything?
beer? wine?

can i ask you questions
about
your daughter’s epilepsy?
here’s what i know:
half her brain’s taken out
(is that called lobotomy still?)
it’s not just epilepsy, it’s a whole thing
like constant epilepsy
(probably more back in the day
and not so much anymore?)
she’s unresponsive and
hasn’t fully developed
i imagined her
before you came
as
Arrested Development retard woman
but instead of a retard
she’s just got
some constant-epilepsy problem
seizing all smally and she’s bashful
when it happens
and she’s so hot, lol!!
maybe even a slight, seizure-fueled
lazy eye?
just like blonde and hot, though lol
could you imagine?
that would’ve been sick

my most important question, Miss, is
what do you think of me?
are you offended by us?
that we are too scared?
are you slowly becoming aware
that in some way i am seperated from
this awkward group, sneaking in stares
at your unfortunate daughter?
did you see me make eye contact with her?
when she was squinting up at me?
i held for as long as i could
and thus, treated her with respect
i want to be praised by you
and all these surrounding aunts for my
courage!

tina fey at family thanksgiving
all alone
logline for her desire to drink is
that she’s all alone

how many thought-secs
do they devote to wonder
about my being
all alone?
do they think i’m tina fey
or does it give them answers
do they think of andrew and magpie
and where they have been
and do they know i’ve been playing
the sims 4 for 8 hours with the lights off?
do they know how badly i want the city living
version cause i remember how good
apartment living expansion pack was
for the sims 2?
do they wonder what i do with my days
in the city?
do they talk about me?
ah! and there it is! the death of us all, to know
that we are talked about!
thank god for the shame of ego
or we’d ask and ask

i liked it, this thanksgiving
when they talked about my weird snapchats
and general free-spirit pot-headed-ness
and they even said the keywords “spiritual poems”
and i got to say, after months of waiting
“hey, i will stand up for those any day”
and “that was a fucked up point in my life”
and got a laugh out of it and i hope they thought
wow you can be so open about that
but no one asked me why?

3 minutes later
ana says to Phillip
oh, is Joanne your mom?
(we were talking about calling parents by first names,
within the realm of normal family party laughter topics)
phillip says
no, she’s my stepmom
my mom died 9 years ago from cancer
ana says oh
topic changed smoothly
with deeply hidden purpose
by an unknown mastermind
and
2 hours later someone says
do you remember when phillip
said his mom died, so abruptly?
how awkward
not necessary, could’ve left it at step mom info
not necessary to mention the death of his ma
what was ana gonna say?
if he didn’t mention the death, i mean?
was she gonna say
oh, what happened to your real mom?
no
but a certain amount of bluntness
both Q and A form
has got to be appreciated, right?

and Nabokov is a bit of a pedo, right?
i whispered this to my cousin who reads

me and matthew have similar senses of humor now
i love matthew
it was funny when we were saying words
he was better at it than i was?
current, he said
holy shit, i thought
uhhhh.. wow! i said
that’s not too good a word, he said
it’s got to be more powerful than that, he said
fine fine, i said… gravity!
vibration
lint
lemonwheel
memory
red
firetruck people costumes
you’re trying too hard now
and then a little while later
we were making up songs
and then a little while later
we were singing real songs
on the SmartTV
and jack told us to shut the fuck up
all nicely from upstairs

we had a party
6 weeks prior
for our new little sister’s birthday
she was turning 17
and barely spoke english
except she’s doing much better
at it, now
it was the most beautiful night i’ve had in a long time
we are all in pretty good places for the most part
(even Dad was fresh off the vacation to Nashville with me
and chess saved the trip
chess and a few last nights of building
conversation)
Dad stayed up until the major drinking began
until the table was removed and the dance floor imagined
and we yelled and laughed at each other’s happy faces
happy to be alive and together, dancing
kings, we are
the braithwaite family

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