at bleecker, in my windowless
 room, i felt different
 than i do now (on the
 floor of the Ultimate Friend)

at bleecker, i felt a crisp air
 landing on the slopes of
 my eyes, making tingly water
 out of sad, red snow

i had a fan on all the time
 is what it was
 had it
 pointed right at my face
 drowning out
 the noise from the living
 room...

they would watch Two Fat Ladies
 and kids baking competitions and
 id hold my head against the door
 listening for whispers, listening
 for reasons to start smashing
 everything and to prove
 that the world has it
 against me, finally proof!

i would imagine telling everyone
 who would listen

and i would imagine them
 saying, obviously 
 them two are
 whispering, you are so
 different than anyone, people
 want someone who can...

laugh genuinely first-day with
 the uncles... lol! and i
 think im like Bukowski! i cant
 even laugh with the uncles!
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